You ask a colleague when a decision was made. They look away, pause, and reach for their calendar. It is easy to fill that gap with a story: they are hiding something, they dislike the question, or they are inventing an answer. But the pause tells you only that the answer has not arrived yet. It does not establish why.
Separate the observation from the explanation
An observation describes what happened: ‘There was a pause before the reply.’ An explanation goes further: ‘They were trying to avoid the truth.’ The first may be accurate while the second remains untested.
Before deciding what a pause means, consider the question itself. Did it ask for a date, a number, a decision, or several things at once? Was it unexpected? The person may be remembering a detail, choosing a word, processing what you said, or waiting to check that you have finished. On a call, connection delays may also change the rhythm.
Give the question room to work
Instead of asking another question immediately, allow a natural gap. You do not need to measure the silence. There is no universal number of seconds that separates an honest answer from a dishonest one.
If the question was complicated, make it simpler. Replace ‘When did you decide this, who agreed, and why wasn't I told?’ with one clear question: ‘Do you know which day the decision was made?’ Listen to that answer before moving to the next issue.
Take your time. We can check the details.
Check the information that matters
Imagine that your colleague checks the calendar and says, ‘Tuesday, after the planning call.’ You now have something useful to work with. You can compare that account with the meeting notes or ask who attended. Those details are more informative than whether the answer came quickly.
A fast reply does not prove truthfulness either. The useful task is to understand the answer, clarify gaps, and check relevant information when the situation calls for it. Body language can help you notice the interaction; it cannot do the fact-checking for you.
Do not turn silence into agreement
A pause after a proposal also leaves the decision open. If you ask someone to take on a task and they say nothing, avoid treating that silence as a yes. Try: ‘Would you like time to think about it?’ or ‘What would you need to decide?’
That gives the other person a chance to answer in words. You may discover uncertainty, a practical obstacle, or a request for more information. Each is more useful than making a decision on their behalf.
Try this in one ordinary conversation
You do not need to decode every movement. A more useful aim is to notice what happened and stay open to information that changes your first impression.
- Notice the pause without assigning a motive.
- Check whether your question was clear and limited to one point.
- Allow time, then ask for clarification if needed.
- Base your next step on the answer and relevant facts.
Adapted from How to Read People Through Body Language, the five rules on pages 6–7 and Cue 46 on pages 100–101. The scenario below is an illustrative example.